i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
