Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
