All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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