I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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