Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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