2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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