You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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