She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
