Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
