Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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