i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
