He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
