well you can't waste a boner
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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