So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
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I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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