someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
