Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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