I smell stomach acid.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
