pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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