Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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