Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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