he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
