Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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