He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just had sex on a roof
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
