I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize