$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
