Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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