So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
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He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
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Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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