I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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