we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
