You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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