I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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