Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
