just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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