yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we're so committed to being not committed
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