home. puking in laundry basket.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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