i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
