she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
