Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
