I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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