I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
