Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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