my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
