You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
