I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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