so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I will pee on everything he values.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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