Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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