the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
