I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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