I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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