I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize