Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
