On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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