I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
is wine microwaveable?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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