We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
