perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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