So drunk its hurt
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
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I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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