somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize