maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
