i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
