She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
