i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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