dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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