So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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