i can't believe i had my finger in that
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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