oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
