I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
