I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
