There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
