The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
