You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
bring money and cleavage
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
