we have pet lesbian snakes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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