I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
