he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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